Pirate Jokes :: Pirate humor for scurvy sea dogs, arr matey!

Sword Fate Ben manages to defeat him during a sword fight and distracts him while he escapes from Uma ‘s clutches; remains trapped on the Isle of the Lost Quote “Don’t scare ya? But, that’s my speciality! He is the first mate of Uma’s pirate crew. Harry used to date Mal but when she went to Auradon and left him Harry got mad and they broke up. This explains why he hates Ben. Contents [ show ] Personality Harry is sneaky, wild, unpredictable which can be perceived as crazy , rude, evil but has a heart. His Heart is shown figuratively when it comes to his hook. Harry is fond of his hook to the point of being obsessed with it. When Jay grabbed his hook and threatened to drop it into the ocean, Harry backed away and dropped his sword like people would do in a hostage situation.

Hook

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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible! You didn’t have that before. Last time I saw you, you had both hands. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really. Last time you were in here you had both eyes. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.

You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit! On March 24, , one-eyed Cap’n Karikas said: Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.

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The supervisory lamp associated with the peg in the wanted subscriber’s jack glows from the time that the peg is inserted until the subscriber responds, when it darkens, in which condition it remains until the subscriber restores the receiver to the hook and causes the lamp to light up again.

All that time spent in an airport can be a mixture of torture and excitement or as we like to call it: If you flying solo, then lower your standards, find a girl, and take her to one of these excellent airport hookup spots: Security Line This location provides you with the most time to kill, because security lines take forever. Airports usually tuck these smoking lounges out of the way, so as not to frighten or enrage the non-smokers in the airport.

Anything you want, or anything that your girl will allow. Bathroom At first glance, this would seem like a location with just as much, if not more, privacy than the smoking room. However, a number of senators in search of blowjobs have tarnished the reputation of airport bathrooms in recent years, so the location has become much more suspicious.

Neck pillows would be flying everywhere. Anything that involves large groups of people and cleaning supplies. Vacant Gates An empty gate seating section provides a little bit of intimacy and a fair amount of danger. Anything you can pull off under a blanket.

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A video supposedly documenting that the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School were a staged hoax is full of misinformation. The information presented in that video was a mixture of misinformation, innuendo, and subjective interpretation, such as the following: In the immediate aftermath of the terror and tragedy of the Sandy Hook shootings, there was naturally a great deal of confusion among witnesses, police, and the news media about subjects such as the number of shooters involved, the identities of those involved, and the number of guns used.

“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”.

If it’s the last thing I do! The world’s most famous crook! He is the captain of a crew of pirates aboard the Jolly Roger and the archenemy of Peter Pan. Captain Hook has long since abandoned sailing the high seas in favor of having revenge on Peter Pan for cutting off his left hand and feeding it to Tick-Tock, considering it, by Mr. Smee , a “childish prank”. While a worthy opponent for Peter Pan, Hook is destined to fail, sometimes because of Peter Pan’s ability to fly, but more often through the bumbling actions of his first mate, Mr.

Smee, who while unquestioningly faithful to the Captain, is incompetent and dim-witted. Hook ends up fleeing for his life from the Crocodile, of whom he is understandably terrified.

I Got The Hook

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Fishing Sayings, Quotes and Slogans The best fishing sayings of all time: Some men would rather be photographed with their fish than with their wives. Gwen Cooper and Evelyn Haas Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish. Best Today she met me at the door, said I would have to choose, if I picked up that fishing rod today, she’d be packing all her things and she’d be gone by noon Brad Paisly My biggest worry is that my wife when I’m dead will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it.

Have you ever spent an evening with a fisherman?

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Casual sex has a huge stigma, particularly around the millennials and their supposed hook up culture, surrounding a wider culture of drink and drugs. The only other casual sex relationships or lack of I have heard about from my circle of influence is the kind of one-night stands after nights out and parties.

Plot[ edit ] Seth Jonah Hill and Evan Michael Cera are two high school seniors who lament their virginity and poor social standing. Best friends since childhood, the two are about to go off to different colleges, as Seth did not get accepted into Dartmouth like Evan. After Seth is paired with Jules Emma Stone during Home-Ec class, she invites him to a party at her house later that night. Later, their friend Fogell Christopher Mintz-Plasse comes up to the two and reveals his plans to obtain a fake ID during lunch.

Seth uses this to his advantage and promises to bring alcohol to Jules’ party. Meanwhile, Evan runs into his crush Becca Martha MacIsaac and he offers to get her some vodka for the party. After contemplating their options, Seth decides they have no choice but to have Fogell buy the alcohol with his fake ID. Fogell goes in and successfully buys the alcohol, but is interrupted when a robber enters the store, punches him in the face, and takes money from the cash register.

Inside the store, Slater and Michaels are apparently fooled by Fogell’s ID and give him a ride to the party. While arguing over what to do, Seth is hit by a car being driven by Francis Joe Lo Truglio , who promises to take them to a party he is attending in exchange for them not telling the police.

Fifty Shades of Funny:

How old are you? England Highest education received: In a serious relationship monogamous Religious affiliation: Atheist How religious are you? Heterosexual Any other term s that describe your sexuality or sexual identity?

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye seaman asks, “So, how did you end up .

Can algorithms be funny? Veterans of Clickhole and the New Yorker team up to find out. Welcome to the world of Botnik Studios, a digital company that specializes in artificial intelligence-assisted interactive comedy. You know how it offers you words that are likely words that it thinks you might type next? He starts the Botnik Live! Then come a series of sketches: There, users can compose sentences one word at a time, selecting each word from a list of nine or more possibilities that the computer thinks could come next.

The process is not that dissimilar to the meetings at the Onion, where writers have been pitching satirical news headlines since

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